[Opening Scene: The gang rolls up to the Capitol in the Mystery Machine, groovy music playing.]

Shaggy: "Like, zoinks, Scoob! This place is creepier than a haunted hamburger joint!"
Scooby: [nervous gulp] "Ruh-roh!"

[Inside, Velma adjusts her glasses, examining a glowing phone.]

Velma: "Jinkies! This Signal chat is more mysterious than a ghost in a server farm!"
Fred: "And according to Congressman Waltz, someone named Goldberg just appeared in the chat—but he swears he doesn’t know him!"
Daphne: "Then how’d his number get there? That’s suspicious!"

[Cut to Waltz sweating under a spotlight, talking to Laura Ingraham.]

Waltz: "Well, if you have somebody else’s contact, it just… gets sucked in!"
Scooby: [tilts head] "Reah? Risn’t that how my collar keeps getting sucked into the washing machine?"

[Flashback: A shadowy figure in a "Tech Glitch" mask sneaks into the chat.]

Velma: "And Trump called it just a harmless ‘glitch’—but glitches don’t add random journalists to top-secret chats!"
Fred: "Unless… it wasn’t a glitch at all!"

[Montage of the gang interrogating suspects:]

• Elon Musk (coding furiously): "My AI definitely didn’t do this… unless… it learned to hack patriotism?"

• Tulsi Gabbard & John Ratcliffe (shuffling papers): "No classified info here! Nope! Just… uh… memes about NATO!"

• Trump (grinning): "Fake news! The real mystery is why Europe’s still mad at me!"

[Climax: The gang traps the culprit—a disgruntled staffer in a "Lower-Level Employee" mask!]

Hegseth: "And I would’ve gotten away with it, if not for you meddling kids and your cybersecurity protocols!"
Waltz: [whines] "I just wanted to invite my buddy Goldberg to the group! How was I supposed to know it was international incident material?!"

[Trump shrugs on TV.]

Trump: "See? Total glitch. Now, who’s up for unmasking the real deep state?"
Scooby: [pulls off mask] "Reah! Rite, maybe it was you all along, Mr. President—"
Shaggy: [clamps Scoob’s mouth] "Uh, let’s just stick to solving mysteries, not starting WWIII, okay?"

[Cue laugh track, chase scene, and a final shot of the gang eating a giant "Classified" sub sandwich.]

The End! (Until the next election…)

Moral of the Episode: Always check your group chats for spies—and never trust a "glitch" in D.C.!

This polipoem is inspired by the March 2025 debacle that our patriotic Trump 2.0 cartoon characters leaked out of their clown car.